Secretary Colette's Work

"Mm, mmm-nnh."

Out of nowhere, Colette caught my eye, stretching big in front of a system screen.

She seemed to be in the middle of some sort of secretary work.

… Come to think of it, I didn't really understand what a secretary's job actually involved.

Curious, I called out to her.

"Good work, Colette."

"…! Naoto-sama, good work."

Colette stood and gave a bow.

"No, no, take it easy, take it easy. You're in the middle of secretary work? Speaking of which, what does that involve, exactly?"

"Ah, yes, um… processing the enormous volume of messages addressed to Naoto-sama is the bulk of it."

"… Processing messages."

Now that she mentioned it, I almost never received messages from anyone other than acquaintances.

The only ones from outside our group came from Ursula and Eclair.

Whether I'd become B-Class or A-Class, no messages had ever reached me, but I'd just figured, well, this was how it was…

"… In actual fact, on the order of 500 messages a day reach Naoto-sama."

"500!? Wha!"

I was stunned.

"They're basically all unimportant messages, so… processing those unwanted messages and sparing my Master the bother is the secretary's role."

"I see… thanks, you've been a huge help, Colette.

"Just out of curiosity, what kind of mail do I get?"

"… Yes.

Pitches from C-Class Masters

Sales/advertisements

Requests

Solicitations

"Those make up the majority."

"… Pretty much the same as Earth's spam mail…"

So those didn't get auto-filtered, and Colette had to process them by hand.

"No, the formulaic ads and such are properly filtered out, but the messages that slip through still come to 500."

That was a lot!

"For reference, what kind?"

"… Yes, I'll explain."

Pitches from C-Class Masters

"For A-Class and B-Class Masters, pitches from C-Class Masters asking to be made knights pour in in great numbers.

"Naoto-san in particular, owing to the influence of Garumon Battle Weekly Report and Garumon Battle Communications, is an exceptionally hot-topic Master, so I think the volume is especially high.

"There are also people who send them enthusiastically every day, so it tops 100.

"… Back in your B-Class days, when rumors spread that you were quarreling with Mr. Stein, the pitches dried up all at once. They really do reflect the public mood."

"Heeh… none of that gets through to me at all, so that's because Colette's been turning them down using her own judgment."

"M-my apologies."

"No, I'm not blaming you at all. If anything, I meant it as praise. Honestly, um… I'd had Colette pegged as the timid type, so I'd assumed you'd just pass every message on to me to decide."

"N-no. I did consult with Lyuka-san and Yuria-san too, but… Naoto-sama would never make someone a knight unless he could trust them from the bottom of his heart. So after asking various questions… only those with true sincerity, enthusiasm, and passion, the ones I could wholeheartedly recommend to Naoto-san as trustworthy, were the ones I planned to pass on. As a result, I haven't been able to introduce a single person up till now."

"Thanks. I trust your judgment completely, Colette, so keep it up just like this.

"… For reference, what kinds of people have there been so far?"

"… Naoto-sama, um, I'm terribly sorry, but… as a Secretary Officer, I also bear a role as an NPC.

"NPCs are charged with supporting all of you PCs so that you can live smoothly.

"In other words, when PCs converse with each other normally, depending on their differences in thinking, there's no denying the possibility of needless clashes or conflict.

"I bear the role of preemptively eliminating that possibility, too."

"… Aah… yeah, I see… So messages I'd get angry over if I read them also come in."

"Yes, exactly. But it isn't that they bear malicious intent. They're simply sending the messages according to their own common sense, hoping to catch Naoto-sama's interest.

"So, to keep you from thinking 'I can't let such impudence slide'… I cannot show you messages from other PCs directly very often."

"Got it. If that's how it is, that's fine."

"My apologies…

"However, to give you the gist, um… many compliment Naoto-sama's wonderful companions and propose to engage in sexual activity with them…"

"Aah, yeah, that's gonna be subtly irritating. Don't need to see that."

"Oh my, specifically, who do they compliment most often?"

Kanan seemed to take an interest.

"… In sheer total numbers, it's of course Kanan-sama. Since you're recognized as Naoto-sama's ace Garumon, complimenting Kanan-sama is the standard.

"Next is Maika-sama. Once it became known she was Snow White, the votes have been climbing through the roof…"

"Let's drop this topic. I have no intention of ranking my companions, and being talked about as ranked by anyone other than me also doesn't sit right with me."

"… My apologies."

"Got it, sorry, Naoto."

Kanan backed down obediently.

"If we received a message from a C-Class Master like Griera-sama, who's said to be virtually S-Class, then naturally I wouldn't turn them away at the door, but for now there are no proposals from such renowned C-Class Masters.

"Beyond that, there are also no proposals from charming futanari C-Class Masters of the sort that are to Naoto-sama's taste."

I see, that was a shame.

… Or rather, Colette's selection criteria were extremely on point!

Sales/advertisements

"These are proposals to buy this or that product.

"Not all of them are quasi-fraudulent, but necessary things will be arranged at the necessary time, so there's no need to specifically respond to sales or ads.

"If I judge it to be a product proposal that hits Naoto-sama's sweet spot, I'd consider acting as intermediary, since they could be a useful merchant…

"At present there are no proposals from such excellent merchants.

"Land, goods, buildings… there are sales of all kinds.

"Beyond that, proposals to purchase Garumon are also common.

"Direct trades between PCs can fetch higher prices than going through the system.

"… However, such backdoor deals aren't recommended, so they're basically rejected.

"If there were a proposal for an initial-Value-5000 beautiful UR-class to Naoto-sama's taste, I'd contact Naoto-sama, but… unfortunately not.

"It's probably because S-Class Masters are likely to buy at higher prices."

Requests

"By every trick in the book, donation drives are very common. From charity organizations, various research societies, and all kinds of other groups and individuals, requests for funding and investment pile up by the mountain.

"Quasi-fraudulent organizations are also extremely numerous, and over half are that sort."

"Donations to charity, on the face of it, sound like something I should do, but…"

"Legitimate organizations receive proper financial assistance from the system, so legitimate organizations have no need to seek excessive donations beyond that. Organizations seeking excessive donations are considered not to be legitimate ones."

"That kind of thing's everywhere, huh…"

"Beyond that, quest requests also come in."

"Mn, those are the kind I should accept, aren't they?"

"No, normally, quests like Magical Beast subjugation requests are conducted through the system.

"The fact that they're proposing requests directly without going through the system is proof they have something to hide, so…

"I'm sorry, but I can't introduce such suspect requests to Naoto-sama."

A clear-cut attitude.

No, Colette was outstanding.

From her initial flailing, she'd grown a great deal.

Solicitations

"Solicitations from various clubs and societies arrive."

"… Clubs and societies?"

"Hobby societies and the like.

"There are Masters who choose to belong to hobby societies.

"There seems to be a lot of demand from people who want to gather with others of like interests…"

"Hobby societies, huh…"

Come to think of it, manga and anime did, in fact, exist in this world too.

The anime was at cel-flipbook quality, the kind of thing in Japan that would be laughed at as "art collapse."

But the manga was somewhat more decent.

There seemed to be cases where Garumon who'd otherworld-transferred from elsewhere wrote manga in this world…

Total rip-off manga, daring "go ahead and sue if you can" copies of works from their original world, existed in modest numbers.

Seeing knockoffs of XX-Ball, X-Piece, and X-to lined up brazenly in defiance of copyright was a little freaky.

… As an aside, even with the knockoffs, they could only write faithfully to the original up until the point of their transfer, and beyond that some authors went original while others ended the serialization. It varied by author.

The level was generally what you'd expect, but among them there were also some pretty high-level ones.

The XX-Ball, X-Piece, and X-to knockoffs were all on the higher-level side.

All of them had already entered original developments.

XX-Ball, even after entering original developments, had a feel of "this works in its own way," and the quality hadn't dropped much. The art was also fairly faithful and high-level. I thought they were the top mangaka in this world. A copycat, but still.

X-Piece, unfortunately, had been a total mess since entering original developments… The originally fairly skilled art now had author-original characters whose style didn't match the established work at all, and it was awful. They'd been high-level during the rip-off phase… I really wished they'd been canceled.

X-to, the author's memory was pretty hazy from early on and the content was a mess, but the art skill was oddly high, which made it weirdly surreal and conversely entertaining.

… Sometimes I wanted to talk about that kind of thing.

Back in Japan, I'd had no otaku friends and was secretly enjoying it alone, but over here, it might be fine to make some hobby buddies.

"What kinds of hobby societies are there?"

"Hobby societies… you have an interest in them…?"

Colette had pulled back a little. Eh, what?

"No, I am Naoto-sama's loyal Secretary Officer… whatever hobbies Naoto-sama may have, I'll respect them to the fullest.

"I'll list them out, then."

So saying, Colette laid out the list for me.

"No, look, if a hobby society turns out to be some weird organization, I'm not going to join it!"

Swapping Enthusiasts

"This is the most common among hobby societies. Very general, and very numerous.

"It's a society for bringing your respective Garumon and enjoying swap sex.

"As for Garumon quality, the host's own Garumon serves as the standard.

"Among them, there should also be societies hosted by S-Class Masters, but… at present, there have been no solicitations from S-Class Masters.

"All of Naoto-sama's companions are extremely charming, so there have been many invitations from Swapping Enthusiasts groups up till now, and they're still arriving.

"However, I've judged that they're not to Naoto-sama's taste, so I've omitted introducing them."

"That's no problem."

"Understood."

SM Enthusiasts

"For people who get aroused by tormenting Garumon, people who get aroused by being tormented by Garumon, or people who enjoy both.

"You'd need to choose a society that matches your inclinations. They're not Naoto-sama's hobby, so all are rejected."

"Thanks."

Scat Enthusiasts

"This one is fairly hardcore, so…"

"Don't even let me see something like that."

Futanari Enthusiasts

"This one is…"

I twitched in reaction.

"Thinking that Naoto-sama might take an interest, I conducted advance investigations into each Futanari Enthusiasts group.

"However… unfortunately, none were hobby societies to Naoto-sama's taste.

"The group chats of representative Futanari Enthusiasts groups look like this…"

So saying, she showed me the logs.

… Already investigated, huh… wasn't Colette too excellent?

Looking at them…

I quietly closed it.

"The Masters in this world are all like this!?"

"Futanari Garumon are regarded as very sacred in this world.

"… That being so, it can't be helped that many people feel low-class lust for them."

"… Uwaa… well, ninety percent are the 'wanna get done' side, huh… is there no group from the remaining ten percent?"

"None were found. But even if there were, as you can see, they're societies for publishing rape fantasies of futanari Masters, so…"

"Aah… well, no need for me to bother joining…"

After all, if I won, I got to embrace the real thing.

As someone who loved 2D and creative works, I didn't want to regulate freedom of expression either, but…

The sight of someone I loved being defiled in a fantasy would probably just irritate me.

Shaving Enthusiasts

"… Hoh."

I looked at this one with interest.

Colette seemed to have researched in advance here too, and lined-up shaving images, presumably proudly taken by members of the society, were on display…

"What is this! Don't fuck around!"

I exploded with rage.

The shaving was filthy! There was stubble left over!

… Stubble wasn't even the worst. Worst were the images of perfectly good pubic hair being chopped to pieces with scissors and discarded.

For me, that was the equivalent of gore imagery.

"… To take perfectly good pubic hair… unbelievable. No good, having a fun conversation with these guys is absolutely impossible. We'd come to blows."

Quietly closed.

After all, hobbies really were best enjoyed alone, huh…

I gave up on joining any hobby society.

"… These proposals are also messages from each PC, so I can't quite treat them as nothing,

"and I send each one a polite refusal."

"… Truly, good work…"

The Secretary Officer's job was harder than I'd imagined.

But she was processing 500 messages like that in about an hour, which was amazing.

I hugged Colette tight to thank her.

"Truly, having such a cute and excellent, wonderful secretary makes me happy."

"Hawawa… hafuu…"

Colette seemed soothed.

To make Colette do this kind of chore… shouldn't I hire a secretary for the secretary, then…

… If I started down that path, it'd be an endless loop, wouldn't it.

For the time being, I'd have to count on Colette's hard work.

"… Oh right, once we link up with Ursula, you can split the load with Libera, can't you."

"But once you become S-Class, the volume of messages multiplies several times over. Libera-san handles 2,000 messages a day in about an hour.

"I can't be the one to give up over just this much."

Libera was amazing…

But if Libera and Colette could split it, the burden on both of them would get lighter, and…

All right, for Colette's sake too, I had to do my best.